The Speir
by rainisthebageloflife
Summary: While Regina is married to Leopold she discovers that she is pregnant with his child. Knowing that Leopold will have malicious intents for both her and her child Regina must find a way to protect herself. Eventual Outlaw Queen
1. Chapter 1

The sunrise was beautiful that morning. It was late summer, days were hot and nights were freezing. Regina had found that on the mornings that were especially cool, like this one, sunrises were clearer and brighter.

She stood on her balcony watching the sun crack the horizon and prayed that today would be easier or at least different from all the other ones. It had become something of a habit of hers, praying to the sunrise. there was a childish hope in her that she couldn't quell that told her maybe if she woke up early enough and hoped hard enough she could change the fate of the day.

Despite the beauty of this sunrise she doubted that anything would change today. In fact, if the churning of her stomach and the aching in her head were anything to go by, today would be challenging at best. She would have to sit there with a gentle serene smile on her face as her hand maids tugged and poked and prodded her until she was all dresses up to the King's liking. Then she would need to be cheery and friendly for her play time with Snow. And worst of all she would have to look seductively at the King through dinner and spend half of the night seeing to his needs. She would have to do all this without ever once voicing any of her discomforts.

A knock at the door queued the end of her peaceful solitude.

"Come in Tina." The door opened, only it wasn't Tina, the kitchen maid who usually brought her breakfast, who peeked around the door. It was Ruth her own personal maid. When Regina had first arrived at the castle Ruth had been fiercely loyal to the King. She had been cold and stern and always made sure that Regina followed through with the King's requests. Be it what Regina should wear, what Regina should eat or how Regina should act Ruth was the enforcer. However, the last year had changed Ruth from an enforcer to a mother. Covering Regina's bruises and holding her together as she cried had resurrected a maternal instinct in Ruth she had been sure died with her son. Regina could now always find reassurance in Ruth. At the moment though Regina found no comfort in her presence. The only reason Ruth ever came so early was to relay a demand of either Snow or the King.

Ruth quickly placated Regina's fears "I've only come to inform you that the King has gone on a trip to a neighboring kingdom and taken the Princess with him. He won't be back for a few weeks."

Regina sagged into the chair at her vanity, almost dizzy with relief. From her mirror she could see Ruth approaching her and place a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright milady? You look a bit peaky."

"I'm fine"

Ruth made eye contact with Regina through the mirror. "Are you sure? I could bring you some breakfast. It wouldn't be a problem." At the mention of food Regina's stomach lurched uncomfortably. And Ruth with her hawk-like attention quickly noticed the Queen's green pallor. "Perhaps a doctor?"

Regina hated the palace doctors and dismissed Ruth's offer immediately, "I'm really fine Ruth."

"Oh yes, and I suppose the poor devils in the dungeons are 'really fine' too." Regina could only chuckle at the way Ruth's accent, which was much like Rumpelstiltskin's when he dropped all the theatrics, got thicker with frustration. Ruth was now fiddling with Regina's long locks a nervous habit of hers that brought comfort to them both. Ruth hated feeling useless, this gave her something to do, made her feel like she was doing her job. And Regina well, after a long year of almost total isolation even the simplest of human contact soothed her "It's my job to take care of you, and even besides that I care about what happens to you. Why can't you just let me help you?"

Ruth's questions were getting far too close to the aching fear that had settled in Regina's gut weeks ago. The one she was scared of disrupting and had yet to fully acknowledge. Fortunately, her year with the king had turned her into quite the little actress and she pulled off her placating smile with ease "Ruth, it's nothing just a bug. If you'd really like to help you could go get my father. Tell him the King has left and I'd like to see him."

"I don't remember your father getting a medical license." Ruth grumbled as she finished off Regina's braid.

"Thank you." Regina called sweetly to Ruth's retreating figure. The only acknowledgement she got in return was a begrudged huff.

As the door shut after Ruth Regina turned back to the mirror. She looked awful. Her skin had a green-grey twinge to it and the circles under her eyes were dark and prominent due to lack of sleep. Her whirling mind had kept her up late and sickness had woken her early. No wonder Ruth had been concerned-her father would worry even more so if she let him see her like this.

There was only one solution she would have enough time for. She closed her eyes, focused, snapped her fingers. _Click._ She found her reflection, though she felt more exhausted, to appear rejuvenated with a healthy glow.

"You're getting better dearie." Regina looked up with a start to find Rumpelstiltskin admiring her reflection right along with her.

"What are you doing here?"

The Dark One giggled maliciously "Me? Why I came to see my two favorite people."

Regina's breath caught. He knew. But no he couldn't. Could he? She managed to feign ignorance and ask, "Me and….?"

"Me!" He replied gesturing at the mirror and cackling once again. Regina visibly slouched into her chair. "Ooo," he winced in mock sympathy as his boney hands dug into her knotted shoulders "You seem tense dearie. Something bothering you?"

"Yes." She glared at him pulling away from his none too relaxing massage "You."

Rumple put a hand over his heart "I'm hurt." The way he began prowling around Regina's bedroom suggested otherwise.

"What do you want?" She asked, this time forcefully through gritted teeth.

"Well, well. Somebody's a bit hormonal today." He was toying with her, she knew it. "If you must know I came to tell you that…" He paused for dramatic effect and Regina braced herself. Just as she was about to snap at him for taking so long there was a knock at her door. She heard her father call for her. Rumple didn't seem put out at all on the contrary, he seemed pleased. "Henry really does have quite the timing doesn't he?"

Regina looked back at him annoyed and confused "Since when did you start calling my father Henry?"

The dark one's grin became more smug than usual, "That's for me to know, and you to get later" He winked at her and then he was gone.

Anger flared. Frustration burned. Dread pooled. And gods her father's knocking wasn't helping.

She looked at the door and regretted telling Ruth to get her father. She needed to be alone. And she couldn't get up but knew that she had to. Her father was hard of hearing and no matter how loud she called he would never be able to hear her through the thick door.

She swayed as she stood.

 _The magic just took a lot out of me._ She assured herself

A wave of nausea hit her as she caught a whiff of her own perfume.

 _Just a bug._

Her head was pounding.

 _The light was too bright._

Her back ached.

 _She slept on it wrong._

Rumpelstiltskin knew.

…

He knew what she had been denying for weeks. She was about to give the King what he had wanted from her since the moment she had saved Snow. An heir. A spare. And that was all it would ever be, her poor baby, a spare to Snow.

One of her hands reached the door knob just as the other covered her stomach. It was all too much.

Her father was standing worriedly on the other side of the door and a reverent "Daddy" spilled from her lips just as she spilled into his arms and everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Regina slept. For so long that her eyes ached when she opened them and the sun was once again rising in the sky. She looked over to find her father sleeping in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand in both his own. A small unintentional twitch of her hand was all it took to wake him. The way he jolted awake and the relief that eased the lines of his face when his eyes met her own told Regina that he had most likely been by her side since she collapsed.

"Regina." He whispered, "We were so worried."

"Why? What…?" Her head was so fuzzy that she couldn't remember much of the day before, what happened, why she collapsed.

Ruth had entered the room now. She was carrying a blanket that she discarded as soon as she saw Regina awake. Because she had no right to spend all day by Regina's side she had probably spent most of her time trying to find excuses to go check in on Regina.

"You collapsed as soon as you opened the door yesterday. We called for the doctor as soon as it happened. He said that the most logical explanation from the symptoms Ruth and I listed were that you were…" He looked up to Ruth and cast her a worried glace before continuing, "with child"

Oh, yes. That. Now she remembered. She had been worried that her reason for fainting had been something girlish and ridiculous but no that was a very good reason indeed.

She was very aware that her father and Ruth were looking at her intensely, trying to gage her reaction. but outwardly, other than a small twitch of the hand that covered her stomach, there was none. Inside though, inside she was screaming.

She had been hoping and praying every morning at the crack of dawn that something would change and _this_ was how fate had answered her. By giving her the thing that with Daniel would have been a dream come true but now was a waking nightmare. She wasn't going to become a mom, she was becoming a mother. Because she was sure this would be Leopold's new bargaining chip. Bad behavior-no baby. Bad performance- no baby. And this new bargaining chip of the King's was so much better than all the other ones (the dinners, visits from her father, trips out of the castle) because this one was for life.

Ruth and her father were still staring at her. Still waiting. And as much comfort as they brought with them they also brought a pressure that was gnawing at her. They were waiting for her to crack and if they kept staring at her that's exactly what would happen. If they kept staring at her with heartbreak and anguish, love and hope; if she had to watch their hearts simultaneously swell and break for her that would be the end of her careful façade.

So all she said was, "I would like to be alone."

And it wasn't until Ruth and her father left that she realized the irony of her statement.

…

Over the next few weeks Regina built a system for herself. Eat. Breath. And then the nothingness of a dog tired sleep.

She had put up a wall in her mind. One that separated the functions that were absolutely necessary to live and the winding trains of thought that would bombard her with heartbreak and then leave her for dead. There were cracks in the wall that told her that this wasn't really living but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care. Sometimes the thoughts that were straining to break free would hit the wall so hard that she was left involuntarily rubbing her stomach. The wall itched and burned and ached but Regina stubbornly ignored it.

Ruth and her father were almost as persistent as the repressed thoughts inside her brain. Every time Regina looked at her father she could see him struggling with himself. Debating whether or not to make a hope speech. Tell her how this could be the hope that she had been waiting for. But somewhere inside he must have known that this wasn't the case because he didn't say anything. Ruth wasn't different. She was concerned but didn't let it show on her face. Instead she hovered. Made Regina eat everything on her plate, braided her hair back so that it wouldn't be a problem when she was sick in the morning and then made sure that everything that was brought to Regina was doused in cinnamon. Regina had had an inexplicable craving for it.

They were both struggling, she could tell, but she couldn't even handle her own heartbreak let alone theirs so she ignored it.

They developed a system where absolutely no one mentioned anything, a system that kept Regina's heart intact.

So when, one night while Ruth was fixing Regina's bed for the night and Regina was absentmindedly feeling the now small swell of her stomach, Ruth asked "Regina, how do you feel about the baby?", Regina was surprised to say the least.

"I don't know." It was an instinctive answer but it was the truth. Feelings were an unfamiliar concept to her now.

"We'll, then think about it." Like it was that simple.

"I don't want to."

"Why?" Ruth's gaze was steady and relentless. She wanted answers and Regina's laughable attempt to disassociate herself from her life, the sickly, fragile thing in her chest that some would call a heart didn't stand a chance.

She could already feel her throat closing with an unidentifiable emotion that could have been frustration or sadness or dread or any combination of the three. "I don't want to." Weaker this time.

"You have to." Ruth's face had contorted itself into something that was too fierce to be called worry but not aggressive enough to be considered anger. "What are you afraid of? Tell me."

Ruth's demand jolted the answer from Regina "The King."

"Why?"

"He's going to take my baby away." The admission sent the wall crashing down and the tears that had been filling her eyes from the moment this conversation started streaming down her face. "He's going to take my baby away, I'll be alone again and we're both going to be trapped in this horrible life."

Weeks of feeling nothing meant that this wave of tears was thick and heavy. Regina could no longer see Ruth's expression but it must have softened because soon Ruth's arms and the rich scent of rum and dust enveloped Regina in comfort. After a few moments Regina's sobs had been reduced to pitiful hiccups and Ruth was kneeling in front of her chair and gently coaxing Regina to look at her. "I have one more question and then I won't bring this up again if you don't want to." Regina nodded her understanding, not quite able to form words. Ruth's inquiry was delivered softly but had just as much weight to it as last time "This baby is, in part, the King's. Can you still love it? _Do you_ love it?"

 _Do you love it? What a horrible question for a mother to have to think about,_ Regina thought to herself. It wasn't something that she wanted to have to consider again so she thought about it hard.

Over the last few weeks she supposed she had developed an appreciation for the thing. It had been nice in the moments that should have ached with solitude to have something, anything, to occupy that empty space. She had made a subconscious note of where she had gained weight, tracking the growth of her stomach, wondering how much of that was the fetus itself.

Ruth was correct in thinking that she would have her fears about it being a mirror of its father. She had often wondered if her child would be a boy. If it would look just like Leopold, if he would grow up to be just like him, learn how to treat women by his father's example. She wondered if she would loathe any daughter the same way she did Snow.

But she could change that couldn't she? Given even a small amount of time with her child she could teach it to be kind and loyal. Couldn't she?

Yes, she decided. She could do that. She could teach them not to expect too much, teach them to keep a secret, unlike their sister. Teach them to treat their spouse right, to only ever marry for love, unlike their father. She would teach them to love unconditionally the way her father loved her, but to learn from her father's mistakes and have the courage to defend the ones they loved. She would teach them to be humble and love horses, just like Daniel.

These musings left her with the image of a little boy with dark hair, a bright smile and mind, inquisitive eyes and an open heart. Who loved horses and cinnamon and books and heroes. That was her baby.

Her baby.

"Yes, I do." Her voice was a hoarse whisper but Ruth must have heard her loud and clear because one hand joined Regina's over her stomach and the other cupped her cheek.

"Okay." She said, smiling. "Then we're going to have to get you out of here."

…..

Ruth's plan was a simple one. Yet it broke Regina's heart. Her plan was that Regina and only Regina would leave. Ruth would sneak her out of the castle and into the meadow where her father would be waiting for her with a horse all packed and ready for her. Ruth had written to a friend of hers who had agreed to let Regina stay and would help Regina through her pregnancy. But neither Ruth nor her father could join her.

Her father would go in the opposite direction and leave a poorly hidden trail. He would allow himself to be seen in villages, travel down open trails and wouldn't bother to hide his campsites. He would take two horses with him and, in his campsite, would leave Regina's clothes. If he did his job properly, they would catch him and when Regina wasn't really with him they would be convinced she got away and had continued on that direction. Regina didn't like to think about what this part of Ruth's plan meant for her father.

Ruth's role in this was just as dangerous and would surely get her killed for treason. She would imitate Regina's handwriting and continue sending letters to the King. He liked those. Love letters. Liked to show them off. She would tell the guards that Regina had a bad flu and to stay away from her room lest they wanted to get sick. And when the King returned to find Regina gone, she would have to be a very good actress to pull it off.

Ruth had told Regina that they would put this plan into action after the King had come and gone again. Regina would say she had fallen ill so he wouldn't get close enough to notice Regina's slight bump and would leave after he realized he would find no satisfaction in Regina. Ruth's plan had made Regina so sick with worry though that it hadn't really taken much acting. In fact, Regina's gray face and near constant vomiting had made the King flee the very next day.

So now here they were, Ruth leading Regina through the endless halls that Regina herself had never been allowed to venture through. They walked hand in hand through the darkness until they reached a door in the dimly lit servant's quarters. Regina knew that this particular door led to outside to where she was meant to meet her father. It also signified the end of Ruth's company, signified the last time they might ever see each other.

As they reached the door, Ruth's steady steps faltered and in the candlelight Regina could have sworn she saw a glisten to Ruth's cheek. "Well dear, this is where I leave you."

Regina wanted to object, wanted to whine and complain but she knew why she couldn't. So instead she nodded. "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'm not very good at goodbyes," Ruth's eyes were shining with sentiment that Regina had only ever seen when they spoke of her lost son "but I will say that I think you're going to be a wonderful mother Regina."

"Thank you." The words meant more to Regina than Ruth would ever know.

"Go. Your father's waiting for you."

And in an instant Regina found herself staring at the other side of the old heavy door. She placed her hand against it "Goodbye Ruth." And then she ran.

Her father wasn't far. He was in a meadow that wasn't far from the stables and was surrounded by dense bush. If Regina stayed within the trees no one would be able to see her for miles even if she was on horse.

When Regina saw her father it made her heart ache more than ever. She didn't want to leave, not without him, because standing there, in the meadow, her father looked like the knight she had always dreamed him to be. Every childhood fantasy she had ever had about her father whisking her away from the castles and her mother and the vault of hearts with a horse waiting to take them away was so close to being true that the little girl inside her was vibrating with hope and anticipation.

The queen inside her crushed that little girl and told her to stop being stupid. The mother inside her told her to think of her child.

She walked towards him and the kindness on his eyes very nearly killed her but she looked into them anyway, for it may very well have been the last time she ever did. "Daddy." She said, simply for the sake of saying the word.

"Regina." He said. Nothing other words were spoken as Regina mounted her horse or situated herself and her satchel, all of them were too painful. It wasn't until Regina's horse began to turn the way she needed to, the direction that could very well take her a lifetime away from her father that he spoke.

"Regina… whatever happens, I want you to know that I love you and I've never been more proud of you. You're so much braver than I am."

"I love you too daddy."

Before the words could choke her, before she could change her mind, Regina spurred her horse and sped away.


End file.
